be selfish

jumped too deep on my mind...rolling it all together
ended-up, i'm exploded and relieved at time.
weird huh?

i share away my anger, i told the world. i don't care
i'm angry to selfish and uncare people..it's bulk of shit. 
i'm hurted even when i'm tired to get hurt
I share away my pressure,i told people even they might see me insane.
i share away my hatred, i told everyone. i don't mind.
i hate how universe seems unfair, it tastes too bitter until i numb and feel less. 
i keep anger even when i'm tired to keep it
i share away my tireness, i let them know. i'm tired for having neither breath nor break.
i share away my sadness, i told myself.
i'm sad about various thing happening now. i cry even when i'm tired to cry. 
i'm human.

currently i guess..

20.02.2013

I currently have bunch of thoughts that keep me out from writing. For few times, i write a post then delete the blog thus feel sad about this. My mind is in a war, logic vs. feeling or sadness vs. happiness

My first blog in 2013 sadly is about broken hearted, to a man, a dad (my dad)

So, today has come..
20 02 2013 

The day that exactly one year ago i thought will never arrive, but here i am.

And all those memories come strong, drag me back to what happened last year

How scary time flies, been like just yesterday

Yet how slowly time flies, been like years in hell

I don't really exist.

Aren't we supposed to be together as a team? 

In sadness or happiness.
That's what they told me, will always be there for me. 

"U've got our back"

Am I missinterpretating? Am I too naïve?
Where are they? Fading constantly away by time.
Where are they? Frozing still.
I prefer not to complain with any bad situations. 
I prefer not to share details whatever I should face daily. 
As I appreciate our own choices in life. As I believe this is my life lessons. As I love them.

I don't really exist.
I only exist to face and solve our problems, alone.
I'm a silent problem solver.
I'm a silent super woman.
I'm a silent automatic teller machine.

silly daughter

Memories that

I don't like to remember but neither I want to forget

I don't like to recall but neither I want to let go

I don't like to tell but neither I want to keep

I don't like to cry on but neither I want to smile on

I don't like to be walked-off but neither I want to carry by

 
I'm confused daddy, I really am.

......

if i put more smile, will i really smile?

if i cry out loud, will they feel what i feel?

if i complain much, will this solve?

if i stop having my time, will this work?

if i get closer with God, will all be easier?

if i have boyfriend, will it be lessen?

if i don't think, will it go out of my mind?

if i don't share, will it be temporary?

if i have billions, will i reverse the situation?

if i just run, will it still happen?

if i surrend, will it stop?

Am not me

Easily throw anger to others
Far from good mood vibrant
Look sad
Envy people
Questioning universe
Lose faith
Can't last-long smile
Cry often
Live pesimistic
Sensitive & skeptical
Broken hearted

When happiness easily wipe-away with one small fight
When emotion takes control
When whining is much easier
When crying doesn't help, at all
When everything goes wrong, sucks a lot
When don't have time to listen others problems as mine is too much
When choosing to just quit is all that u want
When it feels lonely and u're just alone

What's with me? :(

stand stronger?

I don't know what I feel.
I don't know what to share.
I don't know how to tell.