silly daughter

Memories that

I don't like to remember but neither I want to forget

I don't like to recall but neither I want to let go

I don't like to tell but neither I want to keep

I don't like to cry on but neither I want to smile on

I don't like to be walked-off but neither I want to carry by

 
I'm confused daddy, I really am.

I want to be a silly daughter; partying, drinking, crying and falling sleeping in couch. The next day blaming life when things don't happen the way I want it to be.

I want to be a weak person; everyone think that I can't make it so I won't be responsible for whatever it is. Who's too fragile to handle anything til stress can get her does drink pills or bump into wall

I want to be a super selfish girl; pretend happily that nothing to be taken care of and hell with others. I have my own life though.

I want to be a 'cant-stand-lonely' type; who can get close just by anyone at that moment, get "in a relationship" easily and have a companion as what I really need.

I want to just faint;  and when I awake, all I know is everything goes back to its place, goes alright and nothing I have to deal with.

But then I remember how good u had taught me. How u had known me.

I've grown up enough to firmly know that I'm not a silly daughter, I'm not weak, I'm not that selfish and I'm idealist and I'm still here standing tall and tough the way u want me to, the way u wish me to be...

Things, yes with (s),

Things I were taking for granted.

And I only thank u now for whatever it were.

Even it's late and maybe that's what my deepest little heart trying to repay.

I'm definitely more than "so stupid" to keep trying to do things right. To do things the way I should do. To stick on what my heart yells over my logic, eventhough things are sucks a lot and hard.

But, no matter how hard I tried to be positive and widen-up my heart for. 

I failed 95 from 100times.

I'm broken here daddy, can't u see?

It takes everything I have.. My happiness, my health, my life, my dreams, can't u see?

No matter how good I try, I'm falling apart and ready to fall thus never raise up again.

Why don't u even help me?

I'm desperated daddy, I really am.

Why coins should have its two sides rather than having only one?

I hate two faces, as that's all I see from some.

I hate when life feels so unfair to minor side.

I hate when life gives bless to those who do bad.

I hate when life takes side to money and power.

I hate when life makes me hate it even more

Why should coins flipped any moment they like?

I should have been warned, at least

or more prepared?

I hate when life fooled me around.

I hate their jokes now.

I hate everything.