My first blog in 2013 sadly is about broken hearted, to a man, a dad (my dad)
So, today has come..
20 02 2013
The day that exactly one year ago i thought will never arrive, but here i am.
And all those memories come strong, drag me back to what happened last year
How scary time flies, been like just yesterday
******
I was watching drama Heartstrings and stayed awake the whole night,
tried to do my fave kind of refreshing after exhausted four months.
tried to do my fave kind of refreshing after exhausted four months.
It was 3.30am when my phone suddenly rang and my sister hardly cried
screaming to me to come to the hospital NOW.
She said obviously sad and panic "Daddy has no pulse!!"
screaming to me to come to the hospital NOW.
She said obviously sad and panic "Daddy has no pulse!!"
At first i didn't really get what it meant with no pulse part
but i had a very bad feeling hearing her voice.
but i had a very bad feeling hearing her voice.
The next thing i remembered was me,mom and other sister arrived in the hospital.
Less than 20 mins driving from Sunter (North Jakarta) to Kebon Jeruk (West Jakarta),
with the fastest speed and heart beat i've ever been,
the strongest effort to keep calm and hold my tears.
with the fastest speed and heart beat i've ever been,
the strongest effort to keep calm and hold my tears.
I remembered running from the parking area to third floor where my Dad was.
Speeding with limited time the fastest i could. I was so scared.
Speeding with limited time the fastest i could. I was so scared.
When i arrived just in front of the room, overheard the nurse said to Mom
"He is already passed away.. we already do everything we can..."
And my stronghold fell. Totally didn't believe what i heard.
In a second afterward, i was inside the room.
He was there, differently.
He was cold. He wasn't moved. He wasn't answered me.
NO, THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE !!!
HE CAN'T BE DEAD. HE HAS TO BE HERE WITH US.
HE IS SUPPOSED TO GO HOME TODAY
HE IS SUPPOSED TO GO HOME TODAY
IMPOSSIBLE !!! IMPOSSIBLE !!! IMPOSSIBLE !!!
I dragged the nurse into the room,
screamed at her how the hell that was happened when previously he seemed to be okay.
screamed at her how the hell that was happened when previously he seemed to be okay.
I sat next to Dad, shook his body and my vision was totally blur.
It was the saddest tears, ever.
I felt so alone and world suddenly stopped spinning.
I simply wanted him to stay here with us.
All what matter was a life, a breath, a soul.
I simply wanted him to stay here with us.
All what matter was a life, a breath, a soul.
My heart was in a constant sore, neither hugs nor words could make me feel better.
DAD PASSED AWAY FOR REAL.
I kissed him a good bye that i never thought i would do, the very last one :(
(and green is his favourite color)
*****
Daddy...
Today, like the other day, I'm broken hearted cause I miss u
Today, like the other day, I cry cause I remember u
Today, like the other day, life still goes on
Tell me what should i do?
when it's raining and i don't have ur help
when it's night and i don't have ur protection
when it's hard time and i don't have ur advise
when things broken and i don't have u to fix it
when others left and i don't have u around
when i'm tired and i don't have u to back me up
Daddy...
Guess this is my lesson.
I'm tough, even i don't mind to be weak
I'm alone, even i don't mind to be with someone
I stand strong, even i don't mind to fall
I have smile, even i don't mind to cry
I let go, even i don't mind to hold
I move on even i never forget
".. and everywhere i am, there you'll be...", Faith Hill - there you'll be
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