Nov 25, 2012

I don't really exist.

Aren't we supposed to be together as a team? 
In sadness or happiness.
That's what they told me, will always be there for me. 
"U've got our back"
Am I missinterpretating? Am I too naïve?
Where are they? Fading constantly away by time.
Where are they? Frozing still.

I prefer not to complain with any bad situations. 

I prefer not to share details whatever I should face daily. 
As I appreciate our own choices in life. As I believe this is my life lessons. As I love them.

I don't really exist.

I only exist to face and solve our problems, alone.
I'm a silent problem solver.
I'm a silent super woman.
I'm a silent automatic teller machine.

But it's too far..
They take me for granted.
They come to me with their problems, ask for helps, in need for money.
They leave me when they have their own happiness. Busy with their own life, have errands to do related to their future.

They complain their own life is already hard. As mine isn't.
They have their excuses. While I don't.
They tend to act like stormy season is over and I'm okay with this. As I never complain.
They tend to forget -all the time- that stormy season isn't yet over.


Being selfish and ignorant is their choice.
Do I need to remind over and over again?
Do I need to ask for help even they never really care?


In the end, my and our problems are mine.

In the end, my feeling is sacrified for ours while ur feeling is only yours.
In the end, my care is needed for ours while ur care is only yours.
In the end, my life is dedicated for ours while ur life is only yours.
In the end, whatever it is, I will still be here? Still be okay? Still stand strong?


Dear them, listen...
I have my ego, I have my feeling, I have my brain, I have my dream, I have my personal life that I want to live in MINE
.
Trying to be tough is not always aligned with 'everything is already fine'.
Trying to be tough is a choice.

" I simply drag myself into toughness even if I'd never be ready.
   I simply human and I can feel my heart is in hurts.
  I simply swear that i'll make this through, with myself.
  I simply lose my faith that one day u'll start supporting me "
My lost. Also theirs.

5 comments:

  1. Wow, you really are on your prime time of writing when you're feeling blue, huh?
    It's a blessing in disguise actually. =)
    Chin up, girl!

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    Replies
    1. yups, i guess so.. (reflecting from Glenn Fredly) haha.. Thanks babiks!

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  2. I remember when Dewi Lestari dateng ke UNPAR and she said "kalau lagi sedih, nulis itu lancarrr" and the front row girls (MEYTRI dkk) were like "HELLSS YEAH!" then Dewi Lestari paused and said "tuh kan banyak yang setuju"

    LOL

    Oh the good ol daysss

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    Replies
    1. AGREE! so many inspirations come esp when u're feeling blue :p

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    2. Hahaha gue baru baca ini. Err,, shit I did that on front of Dewi Lestari!!! Graaarrrghhh

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