2012 closure

5more days in 2012 and year will change into 2.0.1.3.

Becomes yearly eve when everyone’s sounding those new-year-resolution, what kind of achievement, introspection and so on. Thus for me, I sounded instantly on my mind as simply as “I want to be a better person next year” then forgot it in a short period after. I never really meant and specified though what was “A Better Person”.
Until end of last 2011, the very first time I really really really meant my new-year-resolution.
I specified it as “I want to be a good daughter for my dad”. 
He was sick for months in hospital and all i wanted was things get back to normal with his presence in home. 
I deliberately wanted to do my best for him.

We celebrated our new year’s eve with Dad, beside his hospital bed told him that year had changed. As an old type of Chinese people, he believed that Dragon Year is a blissful year yet he looked forward for his recovery after new year. 
Same with him, I rushed to leave 2011 and stared high hopes for 2012.

New year as a new hope, a new page, a new path for us.
We had simple but sweet celebration, each of us (included Dad) wore a colorful eye mask- blew a small horn that we bought from nearest store- took few pictures with phone- counted down 54321 in seconds of year changing- yelled happily “HAPPY NEW YEAR” and kissed each other cheeks.

[ he was there. with me, with us... ]

THANK ur enemy

Been months and tears still crawling on my cheeks, whenever dad crosses my mind.
All those pains, those fights, those sacrifaction that we had gone through together..
I'm asking God, why oh why.
I'm nonstop questioning.
I hate my life, and I'm unhappy
Then universe lets us meet one evening in

"Awakening the divine YOU"

I met my first Guru. It started with
"There's no such a coincidence, u're here because u meant to be here"
It continued normally until he asked: "Who feels that something is missing in ur life?", and he pointed at me out of around 30peoples in that room
"What's missing in ur life miss?"
Somehow I knew he'd call me and I was freaking out. My mind kept asking how come he knows? My heart thumped and my words just went out
"My health......"
"Anything else?"
"My happiness...... My job........", and I started tearing.
"I can see a lot of sadness in ur heart dear"
I was shaken.

Answered, with additional :)

Down
I almost lost hope.
I live my day in worries.
I spend my night with thinking.
News coming up.
Most of them shaking my braveness.
Most of them attack my heart.
Thumping, thumping, thumping.
What if what if...

stand stronger?

I don't know what I feel.
I don't know what to share.
I don't know how to tell.

Give ur best or don't do

Maybe it's just my saying...
Maybe it's just my judges...

FOR ME
Once u start something, it's a must to put ur all into it. Otherwise, don't do.
There's nothing free.
Okay, there's one from the millions ppl who suddenly get rich after winning lottery or anything.
But don't expect u're that ONE.
And don't expect from others.
Expect more from urself.

Life is a choice - [3] For Good

After had been living in Singapore for years...
For some reasons, I felt big emptiness inside me.
I didn't laugh sincerely.
I did cry a lot.
I lost my happiness.
I doubted myself to go back hometown.
It was still a 50-50 choice.
I put my best efforts to still stay in Singapore.
But then universe gave me another answer...

Life is a choice - [2] Singapore

Since I was in university, I wanted to go to Singapore to work.
There's a saying 
"if u have to choose, 
choose one which overcome ur fear first"
And my fear was speaking English.

Again, my father was against it.
He didn't agree with my plan.
I knew maybe he worried about me, staying alone far away from my family.
But he wasn't good at explaining.
He said "Even if I say no, u'll still do it. So, don't ask me for anything, use ur own budget and go"
He thought it as impossible. So did some peoples.
 

Life is a choice - [1] university

I was in my last year of hi-school
I wanted to pursue my bachelor in architecture major.
I had my childhood friend's whose father is an architect. Ever since,I wanted to be that.
I searched for the best university,and it's about 4hours away by train (that time) from my hometown, jakarta.
I was qualified to take part in scholarship program for that uni...

Was much easier

When we could cry in front of others, after it we never think twice bout what we cried of
When we could smile and laugh loudly, just like it drowned by happiness
When we could feel simplicity and purity
When we could get angry just as we like
When we could fall asleep anytime-anywhere, even sometimes we avoided 'nap time'

live our life to the fullest NOW

I didn’t know how does it feel to lose someone, forever

Now I know…

what's so hard?

As i reach my 25th, it feels like u're at the junction of your life... 

turn right or turn left or go straight or move backward 

(okay, the last one isn't an option for me)

i was an employee but i could'nt see my future as an office-person

even when i like my works..i've never been sincered to wake up early morning with exact routine every day.. and most of the time, i don't like to be a staff.

So, as i had the opportunities i decided to start on my own. 

And honestly it's not easy, at all...