be selfish

jumped too deep on my mind...rolling it all together
ended-up, i'm exploded and relieved at time.
weird huh?

i share away my anger, i told the world. i don't care
i'm angry to selfish and uncare people..it's bulk of shit. 
i'm hurted even when i'm tired to get hurt
I share away my pressure,i told people even they might see me insane.
i share away my hatred, i told everyone. i don't mind.
i hate how universe seems unfair, it tastes too bitter until i numb and feel less. 
i keep anger even when i'm tired to keep it
i share away my tireness, i let them know. i'm tired for having neither breath nor break.
i share away my sadness, i told myself.
i'm sad about various thing happening now. i cry even when i'm tired to cry. 
i'm human.

currently i guess..

i need to less sensitive or worry or fear or even think.
as i do it too much why care for people when they don't sincerely care for u?
why think of future when there's no guarantee for another tomorrow?
why bother tomorrow if i have my today?
why feel unconfident when i have my precious value?
why bother others judgement when they don't stand on ur feet, barely understand?
why cry over things for free?

i need to live life that some others are counting on.. 
[just like when i did appreciate time when dad was progressing well in hospital]
i need to thankful for every new other day.. 
[just like when i appreciate another coming day for dad]
i need to remind myself for foods, drinks, home, phone, car, clothes, money, health that i still enjoy every single day..
I need to be grateful for my life itself.

i accept things yet i guess i'm on the way to accept the whole things.
i'm handling fine though, i'm doing something right.
i ain't gonna lose myself again, i hardly get it back.
i wanna be happy and i do like human do..
be SELFISH
be IGNORANT
i don't hold inside, and it helps somehow..

a dear friend told me

"You can blame others but dont put a blame on yourself, you always do your best though..
Never doubt what's your value, you're great..
When things get too hard, then complain-angry-scream it. Don't hold it inside.."

and i'll do. thus im okay.