i was in a LONG-DISTANCE relationship, i failed then i learnt (2)

This is how far the distance was..8656.30miles/ 13930.58km

My life was ALL ABOUT HIM that time. 

So as he went there, my dreams was been able to go to San Fransisco. 

I became a dreamer-girl about how i'll see how beautiful Golden Gate Bridge is, going to the place where he always does his routine and have super great time together with him.

He excitedly told me that kissing on street/bus/anywhere u want is common over there, and he wanted to do it with me.

I was sincerely happy for him, as he was so happy to be there. 

He always said "U have to come here, i love to stay here".

Bitter sweet that i felt happy but also sad because i didn't have him in 3d for some time.

As well for

No good internet connection, no webcam, no skype, 
no private line number 

Okay, it's like a hundred years ago...but that was the real condition for our "Long Distance Relationship"

I also stayed far from home, moved to a small city where my university is, been super busy with my drawing assignments. I didn't have my own computer that time, and only 1 phone line used by all.

While he also still adapted to new environment, new language, new school.

And we both -lived alone-.

The hardest thing for us was communication. There is 22 hours difference between us..

(that time i was always hoping i own "Doraemon's anywhere door"
or i'm a Bill Gates lost daughter so i could afford the flights.. yeahh, i was that crazy)

As i still asked for money from my parents, i couldn't freely call him whenever i missed him. It cost quite expensive. So, we set some rules like the most effective-possible chatting and calling time.

It did work in the first... 

But then getting harder as we were getting busier 

(him,started as a part time worker - me,started to be late to our chatting time)

The intensity of our calls ended with fight, uncountable. 

All the simple things became matter, especially for me...

i became demanding, sensitive, drama queen, hard to talk with.. i was sucks

Deep inside i felt that it was too hard. 
We kept fighting. We lost our romance. It became just habits.

We tried to talked about it several times, but never get solved. 

Our peace just stayed for few days.

I lost my confidence to keep him, doubt that he still loved me the way he did before.

The final fight for our relationship was because his jealousy of a man whom obviously shown his interest to me. 

(i never liked that man, never even for a second...just if u read this) 

I was too tired that time as 

i thought i already did my best to keep him, for the sake of our relationship

I was also too tired to be blamed, to fight, to cry and i still had to do my own life as a student (and that crazy assignment). 

He felt the same way....

The thing happened and it was full of regrets,
Broke-up with him --- in January 2006

" if i could turn back time, If I could find a way
I'd take back those words that hurt you and you'd stay
If I could reach the stars, I'd give them all to you
Then you'd love me, love me, like you used to do

If I could turn back time

My world was shattered I was torn apart
Like someone took a knife and drove it deep in my heart
You walked out that door I swore that I didn't care
But I lost everything darling then and there "

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If i could turn back time lyric