[ i was in another relationship ]
i wasn't in love with him
i was lost of myself, i was in need to hang on someone else
i tried my best to love him
but, again, i was wrong
"when u're falling in love, u just fallu won't need to push urself to fall"
i did wrong to him, i lied to him, i never loved him even i tried to
i took him down with me, by letting him came to my life then hurted him
i made memories with him that i've never meant to
i made comparison, him to my ex
(i'm truly sorry for him..i was so bad)
i couldn't let someone to sacrifice his life to love me,
he deserves someone else who can love him back
he deserves someone else who can love him back
but i also couldn't choose to whom i could fall into
i could lie no more
my biggest mistake,
i tried to find 'my ex' in another guyi tried to find that almost perfect guy in my heart
i tried to get back all my sweet yet unforgettable past memories
i tried to make him 'still alive' in another person
(they said everyone is special..with their own unique package of personality, habit, physic, emotion..
even the twins still have differences. AND IT'S TRUE)
After i failed my last relationship with another guy, this question haunted me:
"Will i ever truly-madly-deeply in love with another guy again?"
"Will i find my other white-horse prince charming?"
and my answer was "i WILL"
(i just said it, i didn't know, i just took all the chances that could make me feel better)
but then it shaped me stronger
Half of the time i still remembered how sweet he, my ex, was to me
our first date was watching Harry Potter 1 and none of his/my friends knew
our first kiss was in his car and my sister coincidentally saw it then told my family
we went to the beach, waiting for sunset
when we walked across the street, he held my hand
when we walked, he moved to outer side to protect me
when it was a red light, we would kiss
when it was valentine's day, we would spend it together
most of the time it was failed by the traffic jam, but we were happy
he always gave his jacket when we were riding motorcycle
he drove car with one hand, the other one to hold my hand
he taught me how to dress and bought me make-up
he loved to take a photo-box with me
he loved to give me surprise, a lot
he asked me to kiss his cheeks whenever he dropped me at home
he always held my hand, even in front of his parents
he always gave his first spoon from his food, let me taste it
he always remembered our monthly anniversary
and sent me a romantic card with flowers
he always treated me so well
he made me feel beautiful
he is a great guy, indeed, but he isn't mine..
the other half, i was normal
at least, i'll always try my best to move on
i will never give up to try..
"it's okay even if it's slow..as long as i don't stop", Confucius
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