No regrets

I oppose him most of the time, he called me rebel.

For him
Brave,independent and fierce should belong only for man. Woman shouldn't have it.
But that's what I am.
Acceptance without experiencing it, follow what he thinks is right.
It's definitely not me.

He wanted me to be a doctor while I wanted to be an architect, a man job he said.
He said I should have talked softer.
He said I'm too naïve as i don't know what the real life is.
He fought with me several times, everytime we talked about my plan.

But most of the time he treats me like his son, not his daughter.
His expectation is as high as I'm really a guy.
He asked me to fix broken things in home.
He asked me to carry heavy stuff.
He scolded me when I can't park my car well.
He treated me hard.


One of my reason last time I decided to stay away from home was I couldn't keep hating my own dad.
But that was hard not to curse when u feel he loves others than u.
I don't wanna be a bad daughter either.


After some time and reason, I go back home.
All of sudden. He's sick. Not a normal sick.
He has stroke, severe heart failure complete with heart attack and goes to kidney & lungs complication.
I, We, almost lose him, few times.
I cry so much, realize how much I love him and how I act badly to someone whom precious to me.
He is my own and only dad.
How silly I was doing denial.

That long and tough period of his sickness has taught me a lot.
I can see him, another way round.

He tried to be as strong as he could. He didn't want us to know his sickness.
He asked me to do mannish job, as he couldn't do it. His eye sight is bad, as result from his stroke.
He scolded me when I didn't do things right, as he didn't have somebody else to depend on.
He said I'm too naive to choose the hard way as he was simply over-protective.
He treated me hard as he wanted to shape me to what I am today. A good one.

I'm thankful to have this opportunity to pay back what he has done to my life, everything.
When he's alive and when there's still some time.
I'm thankful that it's not too late.
I'll simply do my best, no regrets.

Rebel or whatever, i'm okay with it :D