i was in a LONG-DISTANCE relationship, i failed then i learnt (1)

Everyone has their own story in relationship...so am i 

Just get started with the hardest one...

We were a high-school couple, i was only 17th, deeply in love with him. 

After our graduation, he decided to pursue his bachelor in San-Fransisco; whereas i pursued my dream to be an architect in Bandung, a small city.

So,that time we asked for each other "Can we make it?" 

Until finally we agreed to have the long distance relationship.
We were about two years that time.

[ i still can recall how sad i was a night before his flight, 
in the morning i couldn't stop crying over the phone, made it harder for him to leave as i kept asking "should u leave? what if we break up? will u still love me as u're so far? u have to promise me that u'll go back.. bring back our notes-hug me tightly-make a heart symbol on my palm" ]


The next morning, i went to Soeta airport to see him for the last time. 

(yeah, it really was the very last time i've seen him) 

He was so handsome that day..clear hair-cut, white collar&jeans-my fave, with white sport shoes. I was just kept quiet, not like usual cheerful me. I was so scared that if my talks could end up with tears. He sat beside me, tried to cheer me up and said everything will be alright.

That's why i love him, he is way sooo nice to me...

For the very first time, i made an impossible wishes to God  
"can u stop the time for awhile, i just still need some more time with him?" 

(but it was a LIE, i really didn't know when should i stop if there were "more time") 

But still, it was a time for him to abroad on the plane as well as for the drama..

He shook hand and hugged his friends then his family 
(he started to cry when he hugged his lil brother)

and the last one was me....

He starred at me, his eyes was red and wet.. he didn't say much unless he kissed my chin, hugged me and said "take care honey".. Out of my expectation, i didn't cry, i wipped his tears and said 

M: "why do u cry?" 

H: "i don't know, i just suddenly feel sad"  

M: "it's okay honey... go get your flight, i love u"
H: "i love u too"

Then i saw his back for the very last time...and i just stood still yet lost.

I was cursing A-L-O-T that time.i just felt that "why should us?why should me?". 

I was irrational for my wishes.

I was an airport-hater for some time, as if that place responsible for making people separated and put a big expectation to wait our special one to come back to us. i didnt have somewhere else to blame on.

His friends dropped me back to my home, on the way back they kept saying how strong i was as i held back my tears. it wasn't. i cried a lot deep inside, but i just had high-pride to cry infront of others. 
When i reached home, i went directly to my room and literally cried, a lot...

"Half of my heart, all my braveness sweep away by distance.. yet i couldn't imagine how far the distance is"

i shouldn't ever let him go....